Hi all!
I'm sitting here in bed at 3am watching YouTube videos and being sick so I decided it was time for another post. So I am going to let you peer into my life a little since, well, this is a musing and blog (that I hope you take comfort and advice from) and you don't really know me at all so if you could care less about this you can skip to my next blog post which will be tonight since I can't sleep at all.
I am currently 22, working full-time, and going to school to become a pediatric nurse. My life started out in a small town in Kentucky and then I moved to Texas where I am currently at now. I guess the point of giving you a little background will help you understand why I am making this blog. I had a really great childhood filled with great family vacations and really great memories. I am adopted and so are my siblings. When I was around 11 or 12 my parents decided they wanted to adopt another child. At first I was jealous, which yes seems petty now, but I had been the baby of the family for a while and could not bear the thought of not being doted on. Shellfish, I know. We started the process of adopting, looking for the correct person, making sure they were willing, and started preparing the nursery. The person we found as a birth-mother was immature in so many ways although she was older. Hindsight is always 20/20. We brought this beautiful baby home from the hospital and cared for her for 11 days before the birth-mother decided to take her back from us. Even typing it out to this day causes me cry. In my little kid mind I had thought that I had wished the child away because I didn't want her at first. But she was so beautiful and I mean honestly how could you not look into a smiling baby's face and frown. We finally adopted again and I have my amazing younger sister but something like that leaves an internal mark.
I started going to public school when I was a sophomore in high school and it was an eye-opening experience. I had my first relationship and well that didn't end so great. Looking back at my first relationship now everything about it seems so petty. I rarely make best friends because girls have been really mean to me my whole life and I have kinda closed myself off to them. I mean I trust up to a point but most of the time I won't show them the more exposed side of myself. I definitely put up walls. My best friend is a guy and he seems to understand me perfectly. He knows when I am feeling bad and when I need cheering up but is really honest with me and tells me when to get my act together, haha. Right now I am fooling myself in saying I don't want a relationship because I really do but with someone that gets me. I also don't really have the time for it (hehe still convincing myself this is a bad time). The weird thing that although I don't have the best track record in choosing guys people still come to me for relationship advice...actually any advice or for me to be a sounding board. Which brings me to the porpoise of this blog.
If you are still with me then let me tell you that I want to help you if you need help and if you ever need to talk anything out I will provide my email below. I will be there for you internetly, yep new word there, and will help you out.
I do have this bad habit though of giving a lot of my time and effort into people who don't want help but are 'broken' in some way. They can be immature, commitment-phobes, jealous, angry, spiteful, or all of the above. In my mind I feel that I need to 'fix' them and that they honestly want to be fixed. But I don't pick the ones that want to be 'fixed' I pick the ones that are egotistical and just want to use up my time and emotions. That sounds really spiteful but it is not just a fact. Many of my relationships have been with guys that I thought I could fix or that I thought wanted to be fixed but they don't. Girls usually use me for advice but don't really hang out with me because I tend to hang out with the guys a lot and tend to think that I am slutty or unfriendly. Which to be honest is not the case I just feel that guys judge me a lot less and I feel at ease when I am talking to them versus trying to make 'proper' or 'correct' conversation around women.
So this blog is my little escape to be a little anonymous which thanks to the internet we can't be anymore so it is my little getaway to help or give advice without being specific to just one person. I genuinely enjoy helping people but when the people I try to help hurt me or turn on me then I feel that there was no use helping them. So this blog is me being shellfish and doling out advice as it comes and getting my 'I-need-to-help-someone fix.'
So hey if you are still with me and don't think I am a total ass (because I am actually kinda a cool person) and you want some help or advice or just want me to write about something in my blog then email me and I will do it!
EMAIL (for anything): cassmarie20@gmail.com
So that is me in a nutshell. Hope to hear from you!
Stay strong and stay beautiful/handsome!
Claire
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